Sinnybee--This is Me

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Re: Sinnybee--This is Me

Postby sinnybee » 22 Nov 2018, 12:18

Thank you so much, everyone. I cringe when I glance at some of the things I wrote in this thread (I really need to edit), but I always smile and am comforted when I read the posts by you.

I apologize to everyone who wrote me a PM about 7 weeks ago who has not yet received a reply from me (half of which from people who didn't post in this thread). Many of them I haven't even read yet :oops:.
I guess I've been waiting to be in a bad enough mood to desperately need the support (as if the PMs are buried treasure that I'm saving for later) / waiting to be in a good enough mood to be confident that I'd write a great response or thank you. Instead, I probably come off as incredibly inconsiderate, giving the impression that I am ignoring the letters to me, some very carefully drafted.
Sorry! Please be patient with me. I honestly value PMs very much, especially the gems of sympathy and support.

I've been having a really rough year.
Though my ex-wife and I have had many years of civility, friendship, and compromise...
UGH
skipping ahead...

She's getting married (to a guy I've met once, in a rushed couple of seconds) in a couple months and I just found out and she says that my family and I essentially are NEVER to see my kids again... sarcastic laugh... she even had the audacity to tell my mom that they could still give my kids presents if they wanted, though she didn't know how she'd get them over (implying that they had to mailed).

My parents have done soooo much for my kids and a lot more than her parents have.
Even my siblings have been incredibly kind and giving to my kids at every opportunity.
I treasure every moment I get to spend with my kids. I even worked as a nanny from 2011-2014 to prove that I'm still great with kids and that being transgender does in no way diminish such abilities--I've always been willing to do anything to show that I'm a positive influence on my kids.

My ex-wife admits that I'm great with kids, but she thinks that my kids need a good male-role-model / father-like figure in their lives. Fine. Whatever, but it's soooo much better for my kids to be involved in the lives of my family and I than not to be!!!
I personally know about so many healthy, loving families with one or more LGBTQ parents and it works! It is much better for kids to have two loving parents of the same gender than for them to have a loving parent kept away from them!

I'm very upset and I've been crying a lot. I've been getting a lot of migraine headaches and other nasty side-affects.

For the first year ever, I didn't get to spend Halloween with my kids.
For the first year ever, I won't be enjoying Thanksgiving with my kids this coming day.
I normally get the company of my kids about two or three times a month, but I've only seen them a couple times (one of those times because my mom secretly told me where and when they would be not around my ex and her family) in the last HALF YEAR and it's KILLING ME.

Thanks for letting me vent here.
Love you all.

Though I'm having a hard time, I still have plenty to be thankful for:
I'm thankful for having set aside enough money to afford being unemployed at the moment.
I'm thankful for the medical technology that allows my transition, to become the person and gender that I am in heart, mind, and spirit.
I'm thankful for all the people who care about and love me.
I'm thankful that everyone in my family calls me by female pronouns.
I'm thankful that I currently have a 0% desire to kill myself (though that wasn't the case earlier today).
I'm thankful for shelter, warmth, comforts, health, and great food--both on this day and always.

Happy Thanksgiving to the Americans out there and to everyone else, I hope you have a wonderful day!

Please don't post something like "you have parental rights", I've heard that enough.
Biological mother + expensive lawyer > transgender parent
As my dad said, she'll probably realize the error of her ways (or rather the ideas of her family and others who manipulate her into doing what they think is best for my kids).
Gold Classicist since 1-11-11
FT Asst GM of 35 player WWIV Aug 2011-Feb 2012
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Tournament Director of the 31 game PDVT Feb-Dec 2014, the first playdip tourney with over 100 sign-ups
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Re: Sinnybee--This is Me

Postby Pootleflump » 24 Nov 2018, 01:59

It's just heartbreaking. How can children be better without a loving parent in their life than with them.

I just hope she sees sense.

Those black thoughts, sinny. We love you, and if you ever need to talk, or you're feeling low, or you feel like life's not worth living.... please come find me. Anytime. You are a bright, vibrant, inspirational light. We're here for you.......
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Re: Sinnybee--This is Me

Postby sinnybee » 24 Nov 2018, 03:33

Pootleflump wrote:It's just heartbreaking. How can children be better without a loving parent in their life than with them.

I just hope she sees sense.

Those black thoughts, sinny. We love you, and if you ever need to talk, or you're feeling low, or you feel like life's not worth living.... please come find me. Anytime. You are a bright, vibrant, inspirational light. We're here for you.......

Love you, Pootle, you're such a great friend! *hugs*

I'm going to a party right now with some friends I haven't seen in a long time--it should be really good for me :)
Gold Classicist since 1-11-11
FT Asst GM of 35 player WWIV Aug 2011-Feb 2012
#1 ranked player of playdip early 2013
4th highest forum karma count at Apr 2013 ending (behind Craw, Dipsy, and Rick)
Tournament Director of the 31 game PDVT Feb-Dec 2014, the first playdip tourney with over 100 sign-ups
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Re: Sinnybee--This is Me

Postby britneykay » 29 Nov 2018, 01:52

...only SinnyBee could drag me back to dip.. Proud of you and love this post. Wishing you all the best!!
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Re: Sinnybee--This is Me

Postby Fatmo » 29 Nov 2018, 02:11

Hey Brit! Hope you are well.
You don't know what I'm thinking...because I don't know what I'm doing.

Conq wrote:Fatmo — you are a relentless mountain stream, ever-flowing, slowly but surely carving away at the rock face below.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjEgjTfcEJk
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